| (no subject) |
[Jan. 2nd, 2005|11:46 pm] |
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whats wrong with me? going and falling in love with the likes of... him? rah... it hurts... i've gone back to the days of sad music, too much food, and alienating friends. soon i'll be ok again... his accent will be erased from my memory, our kisses will seem less significant. his place will be accepted. soon. i know. but until then? i just don't know how i'm gonna make it. alone |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 18th, 2004|11:07 pm] |
someday i'll wish upon a star. and maybe i'll find you.
i'm sort've feeling *emo* i have to leave my mom in a couple of days and i'm combatting deep feelings of sadness and regret for not being able to be with her. i love her. god i love her. and miss her. it's really hard to leave. but i also have these feelings of guilt because i really feel so excited about coming home. and seeing my friends. and living my life instead of living it through this damn computer like i have for a month, but then i think "i have to leave my mom" i don't want to leave her, i wish my life could've been different i could've been here with her... and then i think "i love my life, it kicks" and it does... arg...it's difficult to dicifer all these contradicting feelings. i guess what i know is, i belong in Gainesville... but it's ok to be there and miss my mom. i want a guy too. i'll admit it. but i'd only want him sometimes.. like when my friends couldn't hang out. other than that i'd want him to be busy. lol. i'm awful. peace. |
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| School. |
[Jul. 13th, 2004|02:40 pm] |
So eearrllyyy this morning I had a guidance appointment via phone. And the following is my new schedule:
(AM) 10:25 - 11:15 Drama IV MTWHF @ GHS
(PM) 12:00 - 12:50 Eng 1101 MWF @ Santa Fe
(PM) 1:00 - 1:50 Spanish II MTWHF @ Santa Fe
(PM) 2:00 - 3:15 Ameri Hist MW @ Santa Fe
(PM) 2:00 - 3:15 Algebra TH @ Santa Fe
(PM) 7:00 - 9:45 Art M @ Downtown (SFCC)
The Drama and Spanish classes are not college courses. The other four are. I hope I can handle taking six courses. I think I can. |
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| Lumni Island |
[Jun. 30th, 2004|11:46 pm] |
So I sorta feel like Gilligan... or something.
I miss my friends, I miss home.
But Lumni Island isn't so bad, even though I've yet to meet any cute boys I've still been on a multi-day Queer as Folk Marathon. The job at the coffee shop fell through but my mother decided to pay my car insurance for the next couple of months... lucky enough for me. = )
I will be coming back sooner than expected... time to prepare for school and get surgery over with and such. Hopefully I'll get a little more partying in. The last couple of weeks before I arrived was so much damn fun, I owe that to Meg, Lauren, and Rachel. Bless them all. I hope I can come back home to their open arms. I'd hate to have been forgotten. I feel... sort've like I've been exiled. Thank god this isn't punishment. It's supposed to be... fun? And it is... I swear. It's relaxing anyway. I'm afraid when I come back though, I'll have gained twenty pounds. My mother has force-fed me (and by that I mean I begged her to cook) delicous meals every damn night! It's just not... fair to everyone else who doesn't get to taste the beauty she can cook up. Damn she's a good cook. That's Ok. Be jealous. Anyhoo... mesquite grilled corn is waiting. |
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| this song is ridiculously perfect. |
[Jun. 14th, 2004|02:47 am] |
WHITE FLAG
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
I'll tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be |
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| !!! |
[Jun. 9th, 2004|06:58 pm] |
love must just not be my cup of tea.
or cooties ? |
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| one month |
[Jun. 8th, 2004|01:33 pm] |
a whole month forgotten.
zach... i'm sorry. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 12th, 2004|10:53 pm] |
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god. raindrops keep fallin on my head. and i love it. |
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| why then, love? |
[May. 3rd, 2004|12:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fuck You, Defranco | ] |
Why is it, that when new love finds you... old love comes calling back. Memories creep through to your heart again and you can't escape them. When new love is still fresh and forming and barely there, barely there. The old, reformed, convincing, safe love of someone you once new more than yourself can sometimes scarily come back in to your heart without them even knowing it. Why then, love? Must I choose? Choose between the heartache of tomorrow or the heartache of yesterday. I bet John would say tomorrow, and so do I. |
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| History |
[Apr. 25th, 2004|10:25 am] |
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My mother was very beautiful. Sometimes it's hard to see the traditional beauty in her now, but those pictures that my father took 12 years ago of my mother with me and my sister are so beautiful. SHe is beautiful, I want to call her. I probably will. I see how I resemble her too, in appearance, I mean I'm certainly not as pretty as her, but we have some similiar features. Physically and personality-wise I'm certainly my mother's daughter. |
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| yes'm |
[Apr. 18th, 2004|02:49 pm] |
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cleaning is an unfortunate thing. but a necessary one. |
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| arg! |
[Mar. 28th, 2004|10:22 pm] |
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i hate feeling powerless. |
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| friends |
[Mar. 22nd, 2004|12:27 am] |
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what is a friend when life is glass of milk? more than half full, entirely aloof. what is vomit when in a favorite cup? still just that? or... what is a hat.. when worn on the head of someone wonderful? I don't know. Amanda is gone. i am filmed. the park/maudes await me. tomorrow i shall eat krishna lunch, alone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2004|12:41 am] |
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u didn't understand. |
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| wiz |
[Mar. 18th, 2004|11:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Miss Celie's Blues - Suede | ] |
it kicked ass. im so friggin' proud. |
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| The Wizard of Oz |
[Mar. 18th, 2004|12:50 am] |
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I made a Wizard of Oz flower supplies kit. First, I spray painted a shoe box black. Secondly, I put a cute yellow sign on the top that said "Flower Supplies for The Wizard of OZ." Thirdly, I put petite silver star stickers all over the box so that it looks like midnight. On the inside of the supplies box I have 5 different colored pens for writing messages on 5 differently designed notecards. One notecard says "I love you," another says "Congratulations," yet another says "Thinking of You" and the other two have flowers and space to write a more personal message. Also included in the supplies box are 5 different colors of ribbon and 9 different colors of tissue paper. The only item that the box lacks are a pair of scissors, which I plan on grabbing tomorrow from Mrs. C. This flower supplies box is perfect; everyone wishes their box was as tasteful and complete and thorough and varied as mine. |
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| quiet |
[Mar. 14th, 2004|06:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | hmm - i should put some on. in a moment it will be "gone" | ] |
it should be considered a virtue: the ability to be quiet. the ability to have cute little things said to you and be able to keep them as your own cute little secret. tis seem i can only be quiet when the law begs me to. but from now on, in order to relish in the nice words delt me, i shall not make them bigger, or make them louder, i shall simply listen. |
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